When Mom Is Away....

Yesterday.

My wife had to be gone.

The whole day.

When she's missing in action she doesn't know what she's missing:

Me.

My two boys.

Three male dogs.

One male parrot.

The house.

Turned into a "Man Cave."

(Not to be confused with The Batcave where grown men wear tights and capes.)

We hole up in there and do important things like watch TV.

Cartoons.

Sports.

Anything but the Hallmark Channel.

We occasionally fall into the "Triple Dog Dare You" routine.

The last one?

I dared one of the boys to take a sock that had been worn by a member of the family... and played with by the dogs... and stick it in his mouth.

He did it.

Hey....it was a Triple Dog Dare... what was he supposed to do?!

No names will be mentioned.

And yes, a complete mouth washing followed quickly.

We pride ourselves on our independence.

But pride comes before a fall.

Lunch time.

Instead of running out and buying a cheap pizza, I figure we can eat whatever we have in the house.

We're men.

Give us some lunch meat and a fist full of white bread and we're good.

My 9 year old puts an order in for lunch.

What's that... you want peanut butter and crackers?

Let's go to the cabinet.

Crackers.... check.

Peanut butter.... yes and no.

We've got that Goober Grape Peanut Butter and Jelly stuff.

It's already mixed together in the jar.

How about that on crackers?

Nicolas agrees.

He's 9.

It looks a lot like goop on a cracker.

He eats it.

He's still hungry.

"Dad... can I have some tuna? I've been craving it for weeks and Mom won't let me have it."

Really now?

This is the Man Cave.

We do what we want.

I open the can of tuna and stick a fork in it.

"Dig in!".

He does.

With gusto.

It was glorious.

I'm really not all that hungry.

I wonder why.

A little later we pick up my older boy Aleq from the YMCA.

First thing he wants to know?

What's for lunch?

How about peanut butter and jelly?

And tuna?

He would rather starve to death like a real man.

Smart kid.

A short time later Nicolas finds himself with an upset stomach.

Big time.

I'll sum it all up by saying it wasn't pretty.

And that none of us will ever eat tuna again.

Peanut butter and jelly may be out of the question too.

When my wife finally arrives home we're sooooo happy to see her.

"Will you make dinner for us?" we whimper.

She agrees.

On one condition.

"Can you turn on the TV while I'm cooking?"

I find the remote.

"How about the Hallmark Channel?"